What I gained by breaking up with hustle culture

I loved hustle culture, and now it’s dead to me.

It was something that I relied on for a long time, trying to wring money and time out of it like water droplets out of a damp rag. I felt like it was my only option, and this belief was reinforced every time I looked for advice on careers or time management. To be better, I had to do so much more, and to do so much more, I needed to schedule my time down to the minute every day. I needed to get up early. I needed to spend all my time after work on side hustles (or “my passions”- passions meaning things I liked that were monetizable). I had no energy to do anything which just meant that I needed to optimize and build in more time for journaling and bubble baths which would naturally recharge my empty battery completely so I could keep working so I would have more time for bubble baths so I could keep working so I could have more bubble baths so I could keep working…

I spent time hunting for the key, listening to every productivity book I could find (so I could read while I was working and maximize my time, obviously). I did find a couple of helpful tidbits during my research, but those tidbits were usually drowned in a syrup-y ocean of obvious and/or painfully impractical strategies. I began to notice that the real productivity hack written between the lines was to just be rich. Authors were repeatedly suggesting things like hiring an au pair for when your nanny was away, or paying your personal trainer $200 every time you missed a 5am session- which was not entirely practical for my broke ass.

Still, I couldn’t let go. I was afraid that if I stopped trying to be maximally productive and stopped trying to optimize, then my life would amount to nothing. I would be lazy and empty if I didn’t push myself. I would be worthless.

Hell, I’m still afraid. That shit runs deep.

To the surprise of no one, including myself, I burnt out hard. I had been feeling the burn for years, both emotionally and physically, but eventually my body said enough. It would take me all day to write three emails at work, if I didn’t procrastinate on them for weeks. I had to stop myself from snapping at everyone I interacted with, including people I liked who were trying to help me. My muscles were so tight it was impacting…

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