the coolest girl in the 80s

None of my years were passed without tears streaming down my face on some days when I came home from school. However, I know things will always be okay because I still have you at the end of the day.

I got too big to be in your lap, yet I didn’t get too big to cry in your arms. I got too old to be playing my dolls, yet I never got too old to sleep with you on the same bed. I became too grown up to play in my usual playground, but I’m still a kid whenever I cried over the wrong boys.

Mama, we shared the same name. Other than that, I also shared my secrets, you shared your wisdoms, I shared my favorite songs, you also shared your favorite movies. I also shared my dreams.

The world can hate me. The same girls could all talk bad about me. All the different boys can say I’m not enough. People can leave me. I can give up on me. But I know somewhere in between all of this, I know I can always go home to you and a bowl of ice cream we share in the corners of Plaza Senayan.

This morning I opened some of your old photo albums, and I saw you in your highschool uniform. Somehow, I see myself in you. All of these thoughts are running through my mind and I have some questions : Is she happy? Will she be happy if she knows her 15 year old daughter is watching her through memories? Will she be happy to know that everything works out for her? Will she finally be proud of herself? Cause Mama, I am. I am proud of who you were, and who you are, and who you will be. I am always proud.

Out of all the things you did wrong, I’m glad you’re choosing to be a mother. And Mama, I just realized this is your first time living too. Of course you can make mistake, of course you can make me sad, of course you can say the wrong thing. After all, you were a 15 year old girl too.

Mama, you taught me lessons from all the most amazing women in my life, and in fictions. But I always wonder do you know that the women I want to be the most when I grow up, is you.

Someday, I know I will finally have the very same strong arms to hold my daughter on her first heartbreaks, the very same patient ears to listen to her rant, the very same heart to accept her for who she is and how she is created. I know I will be her best friend and she can always lean to me. But what I know most, is that I will raise a kindhearted strong princess, because I was raised by a kindhearted powerful queen.

Happy birthday, Mama. Can’t wait to hold your hand when I’m walking down the aisle.

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